


Catch Me

by hereforwords



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Banter, Clothed Sex, Draco Malfoy is So Done, Hand Jobs, Harry Potter is Bad at Feelings, Harry has peak Malfoy tunnel vision in this fic, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Malfoy hates it and doesn’t at all, POV Harry Potter, loudly implied bottom Malfoy, oh and like half a moment of some light choking kink, shrug shrug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:22:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25287520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforwords/pseuds/hereforwords
Summary: "Hello," Harry said dumbly, rocking back onto his heels and feeling every bit the fool Malfoy had always claimed he was. He had no idea why he'd let himself think any part of this was a good idea."Potter." Malfoy was still just standing there blinking at him in the doorway, his knuckles slowly turning white against the handle.The sound of his voice again after so long was jarring in a way Harry hadn't thought to prepare for, especially like this.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 21
Kudos: 375





	Catch Me

**Author's Note:**

> so like a year ago or so (what is time) i got really into writing these two and have finally decided to go back and try to finish them up, and this being a least heavy wip it got done first lmao 
> 
> also draco isn't trans in this fic but he is in my heart, biggest fuck off imaginable to jkr!!!!!! but Anyway lol have fun reading about harry and his one brain cell named draco
> 
> as always no beta so apologies in advance for anything i didn’t catch

Harry stood on unsteady legs outside the front doors at Malfoy manor, heart beating incessantly against his chest. He made no move to knock, just like he hadn't done for the last five minutes he'd been standing there. As hard as he tried Harry couldn't seem to make himself move, knowing that he only had himself to blame for finding himself in this situation. Not even Ron or Hermione knew where he was, not for a lack of trust and more for the simple fact that Harry was still no closer to explaining it to himself.

But he couldn't ignore that he wanted to anymore, even if he would never fully understand why.

Stealing himself Harry finally lifted up a fist to knock, comforted by the small fact that he would have at least until the house elf gathered Malfoy to figure out exactly what he would end up saying. After a moment the door opened and there stood Malfoy, his hair slightly disheveled and his shirt collar crooked. His face was lightly flushed, eyes red rimmed and tired, his expression slowly turning to shock as he took in who was on his doorstep. 

"Hello," Harry said dumbly, rocking back onto his heels and feeling every bit the fool Malfoy had always claimed he was. He had no idea why he'd let himself think any part of this was a good idea.

"Potter." Malfoy was still just standing there blinking at him in the doorway, his knuckles slowly turning white against the handle. 

The sound of his voice again after so long was jarring in a way Harry hadn't thought to prepare for, especially like this. Seeing Mafloy like this always made everything feel like it was just on the verge of spilling over inside of him, and even now after years of feeling it Harry still felt no closer to understanding what it meant. Maybe with Malfoy he just never would. Maybe that was fine.

But the silence was starting to be too much, and the way Malfoy was looking at him like he'd never seen Harry before in his life only left Harry tense and on edge inside. "Can I come in?"

His words finally seemed to register and Malfoy stepped back from the doorway, pulling it open in apparent invitation. He didn't say anything as Harry stepped in behind him, and still nothing as Harry followed him down the dark hallway into the waiting room. Harry took extra effort not to look at much of anything as they went, being back in this house again most of the reason it had taken him all summer to come.

Harry had no idea how Malfoy managed to stay here after everything that had happened, and then he turned to face him again and Harry's silent question seemed to answer itself, just from the closed off expression on his face.

That wasn't what someone holding it together looked like.

"Would you like tea?" Malfoy asked in an even tone, eyes stuck on some point over Harry's shoulder.

"Sure," Harry said, so startled by the question that he answered without thought. "Thanks."

Malfoy nodded and then left him alone, making his way down the hall towards the kitchen. The kitchen he was going to make him and Harry tea in, and from the lack of the house elf at the door it seemed it would truly be Mafloy making it. It was so quiet Harry had to assume they were completely alone in the house, already knowing that Malfoy's mother had left for France and his father would never see anything outside of Azkaban again. So it was really just them.

Somehow, even though they still hadn't got to the reason Harry was there yet this had already turned into one of the more surreal experiences of his life. Even after everything that had happened Harry could have never imagined sitting down for tea with Malfoy in his house like this, like they were just a couple of old friends meeting to catch up. He decided to take it as a good sign, and resolutely ignored the mass of nerves swirling around inside of him.

When Malfoy stepped back into the room he had a silver tray in hand with two china cups on it, as well as a bowl for sugar and a little pitcher for what Harry was assuming was milk. Malfoy set it down on the table in front of the couch as he sat in the chair opposite, turning an expectant look to Harry who was still standing uselessly by the doorway. Harry quickly moved to sit down, reaching out to put one sugar in his tea before taking a drink. 

He was unable to stop the surprised noise that fell out of him, not expecting much considering who had made it. "It's good," Harry said after he swallowed, wondering why he'd thought coming over with no plan on what he would say had ever felt like a good idea. 

Malfoy just let out a short ugly laugh, the echoes of his old self bleeding through into his expression for the first time. "Yes Potter, shockingly I can manage a cup of tea."

"Right." Harry took another drink just so he had something to do with his hands. Malfoy had made no move to pick up his own cup, openly watching him though Harry could hardly bring himself to meet his eye in return. 

Harry had never seen Malfoy like this, unkempt and something dangerously close to soft. It set off a feeling in his chest that Harry couldn't place, and even blurred and far off inside of him it still felt too big for Harry to have any desire to examine it any further than that.

"How have you been?" Harry asked dumbly, waiting for the floor to split open and swallow him whole.

"Oh just lovely." Malfoy looked like he'd never seen a bigger fool in his life. "You?"

"Fine," Harry said quickly, taking another drink of his tea as he looked back at Malfoy. It really was a rather good cup, maybe he could pick up the brand. "What kind of tea is this?"

Malfoy shook his head, looking at Harry like he had well and truly lost his mind now. "Tea? Is that really what you want to talk about Potter, tea?"

"Well, no." Harry set down his cup on the table before rubbing his hands along the tops of his thighs, taking in a breath that did nothing to settle his nerves. "It's just good tea is all."

"What," Malfoy said slowly, voice like he was talking to someone with a very loose grasp on the spoken word that he had no patience for, "are you doing here?"

"Right." Harry finally slid the wand from out of his sleeve that he'd scarcely been able to think of since he'd put it there. "This is yours." 

Malfoy went tense all over the moment he saw it, almost like he was bracing himself for an attack. It made that same strange point in Harry's chest ache, to know that after all this time Malfoy was still so afraid. The fear shifted into shock but Malfoy made no move to reach out and take it, just looked at it in Harry's hand like he couldn't believe it was real. And then against all reason Malfoy shook his head, glaring at Harry from across the table.

"Whatever this is," he said swiftly, standing up from his seat, "I want no part of it." 

Just like that Malfoy moved to walk out of the room, like he would really just leave Harry sitting there alone, still holding out his wand to no one. Harry stood up in a rush, closing the distance between them in a few quick steps and grasping Malfoy's upper arm. "Wait."

Malfoy tore his arm away. "Don't touch me."

Harry knew he had no reason to be surprised by the reaction, even like to feel hurt. "Sorry."

The moment the word left his mouth Malfoy paused, seeming to stop and really look at Harry for the first time. Harry knew what he had to be seeing, the smudged purple shadows beneath his eyes, his hair that refused to go in any direction that made sense, clothes that were wrinkled and ill fitting. Harry forced himself to stay relatively still and not shift in obvious discomfort. But it was all he could feel.

"What are you doing here Potter?" Malfoy asked in a quieter voice than before, his hand rubbing his forearm over where Harry knew his mark was hidden beneath his long sleeves.

"Bringing you back your wand."

Malfoy shook his head as that same look of disbelief back on his face, his voice completely incredulous. "Why?"

Harry looked down at the wand in his hand, searching inside himself pointlessly for the words to make this make sense to someone like Malfoy. Finally he just gave up and shrugged. "It's yours, it just felt like I should."

Malfoy didn't say anything, just continued to stand there like he didn't understand a single thing that was happening. Irrationality Harry had to bite back the urge to smile, charmed when he knew there was no reason to be. He'd loved it too much for more years than he wanted to think about each time Malfoy had lost himself to frustration. Harry couldn't imagine the reaction ever leaving him now.

"That still doesn't explain anything," Malfoy finally said, his voice clipped.

"Don't you need it?" Harry managed to meet Malfoy's eyes again, his own drifting down to where Malfoy was biting his bottom lip. Harry cleared his throat. "I mean, especially with school starting again soon."

Malfoy still didn't say a word and a thought suddenly crossed Harry's mind for the first time, one that left him on the edge of an emotion he refused to feel over Malfoy. But he couldn't just say nothing. "You are coming back, aren't you?"

"Why would I?" Malfoy snapped, dropping his hand from his arm as both of them balled up into fists at his side. "Are you really that dense Potter?"

Harry waited for the old anger that Malfoy always seemed to bring out of him to make itself known but there was nothing, only a strange mix of sadness and panic at the thought of Malfoy really not being there with them next year. "But you have to," Harry said dumbly.

"I have to? Why is that, because the chosen one has deemed it so?"

"No," Harry said quickly, running a hand through his hair as he tried to find the words. "But don't you think you should?"

Even the way Malfoy was blinking at him was angry. "Again, why would I?"

Harry knew he had to look as foolish as he felt, mouth hanging open as he tried to articulate why this matter to him when he still didn't really have a clue. He just couldn't let this go. "I just think you should."

"And _again_ Potter, why?" Malfoy's face had finally softened a bit, but he still didn't look even remotely close to relaxed. 

"I want you to," Harry said simply, only really registering the words when he took in the look they brought to Malfoys face. He pressed on in a rush, ignoring the burn he could feel beneath his skin. "That–I mean don't you need your N.E.W.T.s?" That was a normal reason to have right? Harry was almost proud that he'd managed to think of it. "I know I still need them."

Malfoy stepped forward in a rush, hands grabbing Harry's shirt as he pushed him back, so much further into his personal space than Harry was ready for. "I don't know why you think you need to keep tabs on me Potter, but I don't appreciate you showing up at my house just to–"

"Malfoy," Harry cut in, "I don't think you're up to anything."

"Bullshit," Malfoy snapped. "You're so transparent, _I want you to,_ apparently you really think I'm a big enough moron to fall for that."

Anger finally pressed against his chest and Harry brought up the hand not still holding Malfoy's wand to hold his wrist, just below where Malfoy was gripping his shirt. His voice came out too quiet, like they were suddenly two different people having a complete different conversation. "Is it really so hard to believe? I fought to keep you out of Azkaban, why would I do that if I didn't care what happens to you?"

Malfoy shook ever so slightly under his hold for a moment, eyes widening as he moved to step back but Harry just tightened his grip, feeling as if he was on the edge of something he couldn't see but desperately wanted to reach. He knew if he let Mafloy run away now they never would.

"Let go of me," Malfoy said quickly, though he didn't move to pull his arm away again. He just stood there looking at Harry with wide set eyes, a flush slowly spreading over his face that Harry hated and didn't at all.

Harry dropped his hands only to step in closer, ignoring the way his heart tried to burst out of his chest when he realized he was close enough now to see each one of Malfoy's pale eyelashes, close to translucent where they framed his ever changing eyes. Harry had to remind himself to speak. "Magonagall invited you back didn't she?"

"She did," Malfoy said after a pause, hardly looking like he was breathing before he took a step back, turning away from Harry as he rubbed a hand over his eyes. 

He really did look unbearably tired. 

All at once Harry realized just how much he was intruding, showing up unannounced and demanding things from Malfoy that he had no right to. "I'm sorry, I just came here to give you back your wand." Harry couldn't help wondering at how easy it was for him to apologize now, when for years he would have rather regrown his bones than do anything even resembling saying sorry to Malfoy.

Turning Harry set the wand on the table, pausing a moment to look at it in his hands one last time. There was too much there to think of just one thing. "You know this wand saved my life, so it's a little like you–at least some people could see it that way."

More than anything Harry wishes that he could ever learn to think before he spoke, feeling even his neck begin to burn as embarrassment flooded him. Quickly he turned, moving to walk past Malfoy and out of this house once and for all, wondering why he'd let himself believe anything good could happen in it. A hand grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop and forcing him to turn. Malfoy was dangerously close, startling similar to how they'd stood just moments before but somehow completely different. 

Malfoy's hair was falling across his forehead, something Harry had only seen a handful of times before, distracting in a way he couldn't place. Thinking any part of Malfoy looked soft still felt unnatural and unsettling, but Harry couldn't deny it, especially when it was currently the only thought he could seem to have.

"Why did you speak at my trial?" Malfoy finally asked, the one question Harry would have given anything not to answer.

How could he begin to explain something he hadn't been able to make even Ron or Hermione understand, that he himself still couldn't look at too? 

Harry hadn't let himself think much of it at all at the time, deciding it was just another hearing in the seemingly endless wave of them that he'd been called to speak at. Now they all seemed to blur together in his mind now, all of them save for Malfoy's. Harry had been seated in the crowd, mind still not on where he was when they had brought Malfoy out, and then Harry couldn't imagine thinking he'd been anywhere else.

Malfoy had looked gaunt, somehow worse than Harry had ever seen him. Even worse than last year, his face collapsing in on itself as he choked out _no one can help me_. Even worse than his tear soaked eyes in the stained bathroom mirror, than his face twisted with pain against the cold floor, laid out in his own blood. Even worse than when the only thing Harry had been able to feel in the world besides fire and smoke had been Mafloy, clinging to him almost as desperately as his voice had sounded. 

Harry had only realized he was shaking when the witch next to him began openly staring, whispering to the woman next to her as they had both turned to watch him.

After that Harry had hardly been able to look at anyone, eyes held resolutely forward as he walked past Malfoy on his way up to the stand when his name was called. Harry didn't look at him when he told the room that Mafloy had saved his life, that without his wand he never could have won, that he didn't think Malfoy deserved to be in Azkaban. He didn't even look over at the collective gasp those words caused, despite feeling Malloy's eyes on him like a physical thing, burning into the side of his face. 

Their eyes met once, for the first and only time that day when Harry was walking down from the stand, and even then it had only been a moment before he'd torn his eyes away again. Harry hadn't been able to stand it, Malfoy looking at Harry like he was some unreal thing, like without all that anger Malfoy could only look lost, eyes screaming out for answers Harry didn't have to give, especially when the same questions were ringing out inside of him.

Malfoy looked close to a mirror image of that very moment in time now, maybe a bit more on guard but it was still so much more than Harry knew how to deal with now, after seeing nothing for years and then refusing to believe that he could.

"Tell me," Malfoy pressed when all Harry did was stand there, his grip tightening as a look so frightened came over his face that Harry couldn't help expecting the smell of damp bathroom tile for a moment, lost in every way.

"I had to," Harry's voice was the one he had always hated the most, the one that gave everything away. "I just had to." 

He pulled away from Malfoy then, closing the distance to the front doors too fast on unsteady legs. Only when his hand was closed around the door handle did Harry look back, taking in Malfoy standing halfway down the hallway, a look so open on his face something in Harry's chest gave way. It was hard to remember just who it was he was looking at while at the same time completely impossible to forget, such a Malfoy feeling it almost made it make sense.

"I hope I see you at school," Harry said before turning the handle, letting his eyes travel over Malfoy one last time before he stepped outside, the cold air like a slap against his senses. 

Harry didn't let himself think too hard on what that had been, but couldn't deny the dread that sat like a rock in his gut at the thought of the year at Hogwarts without Malfoy there too, irrational as he knew it was. After being unable to give up on anything for so long it was nice to do now, even if it was just to accept the fact that the way Mafloy made him feel would never make sense to him, let alone be something Harry could begin to understand.

*

"Figures he would come back," Ron said with vague disdain, head tilted to look over Harry's shoulder at someone across the train platform.

Harry just nodded, hardly listening as he tried to ignore his steadily increasing headache. He hadn't been able to sleep much at all last night, his mind stuck on everything that was about to happen, about to change. He still had no idea how he was going to deal with any of it. Even the thought of what classes he would take had seemed like a suddenly overwhelming task, essentially deciding his future with a few checks on a piece of parchment. After everything it felt like a waste, like it couldn't possibly begin to matter, though Harry had been careful to keep that thought to himself.

"We're being positive Ron," Hermione said in easy voice, "No one is trying to kill us this year, things can only get better."

Harry snorted in spite of himself. "Setting the bar pretty low."

Hermione just waved him off, a smiling coming over her face. "Oh you know what I mean. This year is going to be great, I can feel it."

Harry nodded, letting them both fall into their own conversation as he lifted his head to let his eyes travel over the platform, ignoring all the sets of young wide eyed that were looking back at them. He had to wonder if they'd all really been that small as first years, knowing that somehow they had been. His eyes locked on a narrow frame and blonde hair and Harry was taking a step forward before he even realized, quickling stopping himself in what he hoped past as something casual and not the random jerking step forward that he was sure it had been. 

"Mate?" Ron asked, sounding distinctly assumed.

"It's nothing," Harry said quickly, his eyes darting back across the platform, taking in the back of Malfoy's head, the shape of his shoulders beneath his robes, hair close to shining beneath the harsh lights above them. Doing everything to keep his breath even Harry stepped forward again. "I'll be right back," he said as he moved past them, ignoring Ron's question at his back as he went. 

Harry was just a step away when he realized he'd fallen into his same old past mistakes, with no idea what he would say just as Malfoy started to turn, catching Harry out of the corner of his rapidly widening eyes. 

"Potter," he breathed out, the word seeming to fall out of Malfoy as his eyes darted over the length of him before quickly looking away again. 

"Malfoy," Harry said in a rush, only to watch in disbelief as Malfoy turned back walked away on quick steps before he could even really look at him, like Malfoy hadn't heard or seen him at all. In just a moment Malfoy was lost to the crowd, leaving Harry standing there alone, like he'd been that way from the start. He wasn't sure how long he stood there staring at the spot Malfoy had disappeared before he heard the first whistle of the train's arrival, feet moving him back on their own to where Ron and Hermione stood. 

For how many times he'd been desperate for the last word with Malfoy Harry couldn't bring himself to enjoy it now, especially when the word had been Malfoy's name and they both had to know Harry only wanted to say more.

*

The great hall was as packed as it ever was during the opening feast, so much so that Harry couldn't seem to get a clear line of sight to the Slytherin table no matter how hard he tried. He'd given up on subtly about half way through the meal, sure that talk of their new rooms and the new sets of rules would distract everyone from what he was doing. It worked surprisingly well up until the moment it didn't.

"You're gonna pull something, twisting your head around like that."

Harry finally tore his eyes from the other side of the hall to look at Ron, who looked like he knew exactly what Harry was doing and couldn't decide if he was amused or annoyed.

"Have you seen Malfoy?" Harry asked bluntly, figuring there was no point in dancing around it when he was apparently so obvious.

"I told you as much," Ron said with an eyeroll. "This morning before the train, I even pointed him out to you."

"You did?" Harry asked, eyes already moving away back to the table across the room. 

"Yeah, if you could focus for more than five seconds you might have noticed."

Harry swallowed, forcing his eyes from across the room again, swearing to himself it would be the last time. "Sorry, I didn't get any sleep last night, can't seem to focus today."

Ron's face said he knew exactly what Harry could focus on, but like the good friend he was he didn't mention it. "Still," he went on, turning to glance at the table himself for a moment. "Bit weird that he's back, isn't it?"

"Why is it weird?" Harry asked quickly, ignoring how short his voice sounded. 

"Just can't imagine who would want him here is all." 

Harry hardly moved as he waited but it appeared that was all Ron had to say, shrugging as he went back to his food. Harry let himself breathe a small sigh of relief, ignoring how hot his ears felt.

"I wonder if he got a new wand?" Hermione said from her seat next to Ron, joining the conversation for the first time. "I've read that it's rather tricky to find a new match, especially the older you get. Some wizards never find a match that feels anything close to their first."

"He doesn't need a new one." Harry willed the words back the moment they left his mouth, knowing that it was already too late. 

Hermione quirked an eyebrow at him. "Did you talk to him earlier? I thought you hadn't seen him."

"No," Harry said slowly, knowing that there was no way around it now. "I went to see him. A few weeks back."

"You went to see Malfoy?" Ron asked in a startlingly loud voice, bringing all the conversations around them down with it. "At his _house_?"

Face burning Harry simply nodded his head, watching Hermione elbow Ron in his side. Shooting a quick glare around them Hermione turned back to Harry, leaning closer against the table as she spoke. "Why did you go see Mafloy?" She asked quietly, though Harry suspected that more than anyone else she already knew, better than even he did most likely. 

He was almost tempted to ask her why she thought he'd gone, if only for any hope of figuring it out himself. "To give him his wand back."

"But why?" Ron asked, like he had never heard something so ridiculous before.

Harry tried and failed to act like it wasn't. "I mean why wouldn't I? It's his wand."

Ron just looked at him. "You couldn't have waited until we got to school?"

"What if he hadn't come back? He made it seem like he–I wasn't sure if he would even be here." Harry swallowed, looking down at his plate as he willed away the expressions from both of their faces, like they knew exactly what this was about when he still didn't have a clue. 

"Harry," Hermione said softly, in the certain tone she had that meant he was sure to hate whatever she was about to say to him.

"Can we not talk about this?" Harry cut in quickly, ignoring how desperate he sounded. "I'm ready to talk about literally anything else."

Hermionie's expression went pinched. "I just think–"

"If I could have everyone's attention for a moment," Magonagalls voice rang out across the hall, blessedly pulling all their conversations to a halt. Harry wasn't sure he'd ever been happier to hear her speak. "Just a few things before we send you off to your rooms."

Without quite meaning to Harry zoned off again, knowing Hermione would fill him in on anything important that was being said. Keeping his head propped up on his hand facing the front Harry let his eyes wander to the Slytherin table, only to find Malfoy was finally in his line of sight and already looking back at him. Stunned all Harry could do was blink, noticing that Malfoy's hair still wasn't pushed back like it had been in all the years before. It was loose, falling in a soft wave across his forehead just like it had been over the summer. Another blink and Malfoy looked away, down at his plate and then back up to the front where Magonagall was still speaking. 

Harry couldn't seem to do the same. He took in Malfoy's profile instead, noticing that somehow even from across the hall it looked startlingly different than it had in years past. He couldn't quite place what it was, and Harry couldn't bring himself to stop watching him, completely transfixed. Some part of him couldn't help wondering if he'd just never let himself look the way he wanted before, but it wasn't a thought he could do much with now. It wasn't like he could change the past, he knew that probably better than anyone.

When Malfoy looked over again his eyes widened, clearly not expecting Harry to still be watching him from across the hall before he turned away, getting up from his seat right after. Even the way he walked looked different, head no longer held high, eyes down to the floor with no one flanking him at each side. Harry found himself missing something he'd always hated before now, something he still couldn't say he liked at all. 

He just couldn't stop thinking about how completely and thoroughly uncomfortable Malfoy looked.

Glancing back to the front Harry saw that Magonagall was done speaking and realized that Malfoy wasn't alone in leaving, though most everyone else was still seated, chatting casually and catching up. Harry found himself frozen in indecision for a moment before he looked back and saw that Malfoy was almost to the door, pulling himself out of his seat as he reached down to grab his bag as an afterthought.

"What's the rush?" Ron asked as Harry stood up. "You've hardly ate a thing."

Harry stepped over the bench and threw his bag over his shoulder, looking up to see Malfoy disappearing through the doors to the great hall. "Just not very hungry tonight, I'll meet up with you guys later."

Realizing he was dangerously close to running but unable to care what he looked like Harry closed the distance to the door, flinging it open and himself through it in one movement. Stepping forward in a rush Harry quickly darted his eyes around the surrounding hallway entrances, but of course Malfoy was nowhere in sight. Harry let his shoulders sag, wondering why he'd even come out here, what he thought might have happened if they'd actually spoken to each other.

"Well that was faster than I thought," Malfoy's voice came from behind him, "and I didn't think it would take long at all."

Spinning on the spot Harry turned to see Malfoy leaning by the door behind him, arms crossed over his chest with an expression on his face Harry didn't look at too closely. "Malfoy," Harry said dumbly, like it needed to be said at all.

"Don't act like you were expecting someone else."

"Well no," Harry said quickly, glancing away for a moment as he rocked back on his heels. "I did come out here after you."

His answer seemed to take Malfoy off guard, his expression somehow becoming even more closed off as he went on. "Well, here I am."

"Right," Harry said dumbly, unable to stop himself from gaping at him like a fool. Malfoy looked the same but somehow different from a few weeks before, not quite as tired maybe, like a tension was gone from his shoulders Harry hadn't known was there to begin with. It looked good on him. "You look good."

"What?" Malfoy asked incredulously, giving voice to Harry's very own internal question.

He honestly didn't know what was wrong with him anymore. 

"I just mean–" Harry all but stuttered out, cutting himself off as he rubbed a hand through his hair, going on with no real idea of what he would say. "It's good that you're here, I'm glad you decided to come back."

Tilting his head Malfoy finally pressed off the wall and walked towards him, stopping with only an arms length of space between them. "Did you hit your head over the summer Potter, is that what all of this has been?"

Harry let out an uneasy laugh, feeling his face begin to burn. "That's the only reason I could be glad to see you? Head injury?"

Malfoy scowled at him, crossing his arms over his chest again. "You do remember we're not friends don't you? I seem to recall you hardly being able to stand me."

"Don't act like I was your favorite person either."

"I'm not," Malfoy pressed, voice rising as he went. "It's you that's suddenly acting like we were mates, Merlin knows why!"

With a quick glance around the hall Harry could see the few students scattered around all openly watching them and reached out a hand to grab Malfoy's arm, ignoring his protests as he pulled them both into the nearest empty classroom. 

"Is this going to be a thing with you now?" Malfoy asked once the door closed behind them and Harry released his arm, reaching up a hand to rub the spot he'd held even though Harry knew Malfoy could have easily pulled away if he'd wanted to. "Just showing up unannounced and grabbing me?"

"Don't be so dramatic," Harry said, eyes stuck on the flush just beginning to touch Malfoy's cheekbones. "Did you want everyone listening in?"

"There shouldn't be anything for them to listen in on!" Malfoy said in a rush, throwing an arm out in front of him because he apparently really couldn't stop being so dramatic. 

Harry could only think about how much he liked it, though the thought origins or even the faintest understanding of it were lost to him.

"What, so I can't talk to you now?" Harry asked, fighting to keep the nerves from his voice. 

"Potter, we don't talk."

"We could," Harry said before he could stop himself, taking a step closer. "We could talk now."

"No," Malfoy said in a clipped voice, eyes darting back and forth across his face. "We really can't."

"Why not?" Harry's voice came out softer than he'd ever sounded talking to Malfoy, distantly wondering at what he was doing by letting himself actually ask that question.

Malfoy didn't answer, he just looked at Harry, visibly swallowing before his lips slowly parted. His hair still fell in that infuriatingly soft wave over his forehead, coming down to just touch his eyebrows. It felt like he would never get tired of looking at him.

"Study with me," Harry heard himself ask, feeling as confused as Malfoy looked by the time he reached the end of the question.

"We haven't even started classes," Malfoy said after a moment, looking away from him for the first time. 

"Still," Harry pressed, ignoring the irrational urge inside of himself to reach out and touch. "We could study together, once we do."

Malfoy blinked at him for a moment more before he shook his head, looking at him with a glare firmly back in place. "No Potter, we can't. Whatever this is, whatever you're trying to make this be, the answer is and will always be no. Stop talking to me." 

Malfoy was close to out of breath when he finished, biting his bottom lip for a moment before turning in a huff to leave Harry alone in the classroom, blinking dumbly at where Malfoy had just stood. 

It was only after a minute of standing in the silence that Harry realized he didn't have the faintest idea where their new rooms were and all but sprinted back to the great hall, hoping someone else from eighth year was still there eating. 

*

The eighth years were apparently all staying in a converted section of the astronomy tower, the common room a mix of decorations from all of the different houses that somehow clashed and made sense at the same time. The room listings were posted at the bottom of each stairway, one for the boys and one for the girls. 

Harry walked up on feet that felt numb, Neville coming up right behind him. Just before he reached the list Harry stopped, looking back at him over his shoulder with wide eyes. "You look first, tell me who I've got."

Neville shot him an odd look before shrugging and stepping past him, reading for a moment before he spoke. "You're with Ron, but Zabini is in there too."

Harry nodded, pulling a smile onto his face when he realized it wasn't already there. This was good news, he loved rooming with Ron, he had the whole time he'd come to school. This was the best possible outcome really. Harry wasn't disappointed, truly, there wasn't any reason for him to be.

"I've got Seamus and Mafloy," Neville went on, with obvious disappointment in his voice.

"I'll trade you."

Neville laughed over Harry's quiet moment of panic, thankfully taking it for the joke it should have been. "I'm on the top floor, you're in the room right underneath us."

Attempting to shake himself out of whatever mood he'd fallen into Harry stepped forward, pulling a smile back onto his face. "Right, let's go up then."

Just as they reached the door to his new room for the year Harry stopped, hating himself for a moment as he spoke. "We should hang out soon, catch up." 

_Sit around in your room with Malfoy._

Neville smiled, looking genuinely pleased. "Sure, sure of course. I did quite a lot over summer actually."

"Can't wait to hear it," Harry said through a brittle smile, feeling like a walking talking pile of garbage.

Another smile and a nod and then he was inside the room, doing a basic once over only to find he was the only one there. The room was simply decorated, dark blue sheets with matching wood furniture. Harry knew it was beyond early for him to be going to bed but he was past the point of caring, flinging himself down on the bed next to the window and pulling the curtains shut around him.

The moment he closed his eyes all he could see was Malfoy flushed and glaring, his hair looking infuriatingly soft, like it was begging Harry to reach out and touch it.

His class schedule didn't seem like such a daunting task anymore, compared to whatever it was that was happening to him now.

*

Three weeks into the year and Harry had yet to decide if he regretted coming back to school or not. It had seemed like such an obvious choice at the time, to the point that it hadn't seemed like much of a choice at all, but now he wasn't quite so sure. He couldn't seem to remember how to focus in class, or sleep on something resembling a normal sleep schedule, or how to talk with people he had considered friends for years. Harry wasn't sure what was happening to him anymore.

The one thing he did know, or at least was so blindingly obvious that even he couldn't deny it anymore was that he really didn't know how to stop watching Malfoy. He'd stayed true to his word and hardly spared Harry a second glance since they'd spoken in the classroom, and Harry hadn't had it in himself to press the issue quite yet. But twice a week in potions, the one class they still shared Harry couldn't help but indulge. He wasn't even sure why he'd taken the class again considering everything, but it was going about as well as it always had. 

Knowing he wouldn't understand either way let Harry pretend he felt less guilty for giving up on it so early in the year, but even his own guilt was hard to remember with Malfoy this close and only growing more distracting with each day that passed. In the six classes that they had shared since the start of the year Malfoy hadn't met his eyes once, and Harry felt like he was stuck on the slowest moving ride to madness.

"What's it like," Harry began, breaking his eye away from across the great hall to look at Neville eating beside him, "rooming with Malfoy?"

Neville shot him a surprised look, finishing his bite of food before he spoke. "It's alright I suppose, he keeps to himself mostly." He gave him a considering look before going on. "Why?"

"Just curious," Harry said, looking down to his half eaten plate of food. He wondered if Neville ever mentioned him to Malfoy, if Malfoy had ever asked about him, if he even remembered Harry was still there at all. "He won't talk to me."

"Are you trying to talk to him?" Neville asked in a voice torn between surprise and amusement.

Harry took a bite of his roll just to give himself a moment before he had to respond, truly hating his inability to just not talk for once. "I just thought you know, new year and everything. Might be nice." 

"Might be nice," Neville echoed back to him, his voice now firmly settled into disbelief. Harry could relate. 

"I don't know," Harry went on in a rush, "I just thought it could be different now, but I guess not."

Neville was quiet for so long after that Harry finally turned to look at him again, taking in the odd look that had settled onto his face. "You should try again." 

Sitting up straighter Harry leaned in closer, asking in a rush, "Why, did he say something?" 

Laughing Neville shook his head. "No, it's not exactly like Malfoy talks to me. I just think you should."

"Why?" Harry asked, desperate for someone to give this any reason for him to cling to.

"He just seems lonely I guess, he never had anyone over."

Harry blinked, looking back down at his plate before giving up and looking back across the hall. It was true, as much as Harry hated to admit it, Malfoy didn't seem to talk to anyone this year. Harry hadn't even realized what was so off at first, until he noticed the close to constant group around Malfoy was missing this year. Harry hated how much he hated it. 

"Are you really surprised?" Ron asked from across from them, apparently now sufficiently full enough to join the conversation.

"No," Neville said simply. "Just saying is all."

Ron looked at Harry before glancing at Hermione, who then raised an eyebrow and looked over at Harry. "Harry," she began in the dangerous _we are about to talk about feelings_ voice.

Harry stood up from the table, giving up on looking like he was doing anything but running away from this conversation. "Sorry, I just remembered I have a meeting."

"With who?" Hermione asked immediately, looking entirely unimpressed.

Harry just blinked at her for a moment. "Hagrid."

Hermione's eyes went over to the staff table with Harry's right behind her, sending up a silent thank you when he saw Hagrids seat was empty. 

"See you later," Harry said quickly before stepping over the bench, walking down the length of the table in a rush. 

He was so focused on leaving that Harry didn't notice the very thing he was trying to get away from directly in his path, running straight into Malfoy just in front of the doors.

Malfoy whipped his head around, looking right at Harry for the first time in weeks. He looked properly angry, knuckles white where his hand clung to the strap of his bag, the other balled into a fist at his side. "Really Potter, this is what you've come to now? What are we, thirteen?"

Harry opened his mouth only to pause, trying to actually think for once in the face of the endless distraction to his brain that was Malfoy. "Eighteen last time I checked."

Malfoy just rolled his eyes and looked away quickly, but for a brief moment Harry didn't see anger there, though his face was still delightfully flushed. "You're not funny Potter."

"I know," Harry said simply, following behind Malfoy as he stepped through the doors and started down the far hallway. Harry's class wasn't this way, but he figured being late and losing a few house points would be worth it if Malfoy said even a few more words to him. 

"Stop following me Potter, charms isn't down this hallway."

It took a moment for his words to register, a smile splitting over Harry's face the moment they did. "Know my class schedule Malfoy?"

Malfoy's steps faltered for a moment before he pressed on even faster than he had been walking before. "If everyone didn't talk about every mundane aspect of your life like it was riveting gossip I wouldn't."

Harry didn't believe him and found himself saying as much, watching with some distant kind of thrill as Malfoy finally turned to face him again. "What exactly are you implying?" Malfoy asked in his most tight, uppity voice, eyebrow perfectly raised.

"Nothing," Harry said slowly, biting back a laugh but not the smile he felt around his words. "I just know you, you've known my schedule every year we've come to school."

Malfoy made some affronted noise, eyes darting around to see if anyone was listening before turning to walk towards the classroom again.

"I knew yours too," Harry went on, apparently giving up on the last shreds of dignity he still had. "I know you're going to Binns right now."

Malfoy didn't stop again and didn't say anything, but Harry could see the way his shoulders were tensed, hands grasped into fists only to fall loose again at his sides. Just before they reached the door to the classroom Harry reached out to grab his arm, with no need to hold him back at all before Malfoy stopped, like just Harry's touch alone was enough to keep him there. 

"What," he said in a low voice, hardly meeting Harry's eye before he looked away again. 

"Meet me," Harry said quickly, very away of all the sets of eyes on them now. "Tomorrow, we both have a free period after lunch. Meet me in the library."

Hardly breathing Harry watched Malfoy watching the ground, hair falling in a soft wave that hid his face from view. When he finally lifted his head his face was startlingly red, meeting Harry's eye for the smallest moment as he gave a minuscule nod before he turned away all together, walking off into the classroom. 

Harry didn't realize he was smiling until he rubbed a hand down his face, ignoring the looks being shot his way as he finally turned and started back towards his class. Even knowing he was likely going to be late enough to warrant a detention now Harry couldn't bring himself to rush, could hardly see the point of even going back to class at all when he knew there was even less hope of him concentrating than usual.

He would have to thank Neville the next time he saw him. Maybe even get him a gift.

*

Harry waited for all of their free period the next day, but Malfoy never showed. 

That night he finally couldn't help himself and took out the map, looking at his and Malfoy's names so close together. Anyone looking at it who didn't understand the layout of the castle would have thought Malfoy was right there in the room beside him, maybe even in bed with him.

The thought was still with him when Harry woke up in the morning, refusing to be pushed aside.

*

Harry finally caught Malfoy three days later, literally chasing after him down the hallway after dinner. He'd hardly been able to catch even a glimpse of Malfoy out of the corner of his eye all day, so the moment Harry saw him he hadn't been able to care what he looked like, he'd just taken off after him down the hallway.

"Malfoy," he panted out when he finally caught up to him, jogging up next to him before finally coming to a stop when Malfoy did, resting his hands against his knees.

Malfoy curled up his lip at the sight of him. "You do realize this isn't the Quidditch pitch."

"Funny," Harry said quickly as he stepped back up to his full height, looking straight at Malfoy.

"Well?" Malfoy said after a moment when all Harry did was look at him, impatiently shifting his grip on his bag.

"Why didn't you meet me?" Harry asked quietly, very aware of all the people moving past them.

Malfoys eyes widened momentarily before he pulled them down in a glare, looking away at the floor and then back up to Harry again. "I don't need to explain myself to you Potter."

Harry had to laugh, taking a small step towards him. "So you can be rude but I can't, is that how this works?"

Malfoy bristled, voice rising as he went on. "Be however you want, just do it away from me."

Harry watched Malfoy glaring at him, his face slowly breaking out into a smirk when Malfoy made no move to leave, and didn't even seem to realize how constantly he contradicted himself. "You know," Harry said slowly, eyes sliding down to Malfoy's mouth. "I think the only person who understands what they want even less than me is you."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Malfoy snapped, still just standing there when he could have left so many times already.

Shaking his head Harry glanced around the now thinning group of people in the hall around them, and how not one seemed to be paying any attention to them for once. "You want to talk to me," Harry said simply, knowing it would only infuriate Malfoy more. 

"Maybe what you want is to stand around harassing me in hallways all day, but I don't think–"

"That's not what I want to do," Harry cut in, stepping even closer to him. They were probably past the limit of what was considered a normal amount of personal space now, but Harry couldn't bring himself to care. 

Malfoy visibly jerked but didn't step back, his eyelids fluttering so slightly Harry only saw it by chance, watching Malfoy pull his bottom lip between his teeth before he spoke. "What do you want then?"

"I don't think you want me to do it in the hallway," Harry said, burning up inside the moment the words left his mouth. 

But for once Malfoy didn't react the way he thought, by storming off or throwing a series of glares before walking away in a huff. He just blinked at Harry for a moment, his face slowly shifting to a soft pink as he eyes fell away from Harry's to look down, just the smallest bit.

Harry had never considered Malfoy might actually want to be kissed, that he might actually want to be kissed by him, that he could think about it with that kind of look on his face. Harry's hand was halfway up to reach out for Malfoy's face before he caught himself, smiling at the panicked look behind Malfoy's eyes.

"See," Harry said easily as he dropped his hand. "Not in the hallway."

It felt simple to turn away after that, shooting Malfoy one last quick smile over his shoulder before he made his way down the hallway, each of his steps light in a way Harry had almost forgotten they could be.

*

Ron was off with Hermione studying, which left Harry alone in their room with Zabini. Harry hadn't been sure what to expect from him as a roommate, but besides the occasional off handed joke at one of their expense he mostly kept to himself. Half the time it was easier to forget he was staying with them at all, he was gone from the room so often. This was one of maybe three other times all year Harry could remember seeing him actually sitting in their room studying.

He wished he could follow his lead but Harry couldn't even bring himself to move from the bed, laid out watching the ceiling as he ignored the two essays he had due that weren't even halfway finished.

Malfoy had actually met his eye at breakfast this morning, purposefully, without breaking away the moment it happened. It was such a small thing, hardly anything really, but Harry couldn't fight back the urge to smile every time it came back to mind. He wasn't sure what would happen to him if Malfoy actually came up and talked to him at this point. 

"Are you secretly very boring Potter?" Zabini asked from his desk, his voice breaking across the silence so suddenly Harry jerked on the bed. 

Rubbing a hand over his face Harry sat up, looking over to where Zabini was watching him from his seat. "What's that?" He asked in a rough voice, close to sounding like he'd just woken up. 

"In over an hour all you've done is lay there, not really the exciting life the wizarding world would like to think you lead."

Harry couldn't help but snort, swinging his legs over the side of his bed. "Pretty sure I've had my fill of excitement."

Zabini hummed, tapping the end of his quill against the desk. "Still, no great secret plans for the chosen one at work?"

Any good humor Harry was feeling towards the other left at his words, and Harry couldn't have held back his eye roll if he'd tried. "Is this like a thing for Slytherins, always assuming I'm up to something?"

"Why Potter," Zabini said slowly, turning in his chair to face him fully with a smirk firmly in place. "Beyond your minimal interactions with me I wasn't aware you talked to any Slytherins."

"I talk to Malfoy," Harry said right away, like maybe if he told someone else it would actually make it be true, at least in the way he wanted.

"Really?" Zabini asked slowly, dragging out the word. "Draco hasn't mentioned it to me."

Harry hadn't realized they talked, though it seemed so obvious they would now he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before. "Do you talk a lot, you and Mafloy?"

"A bit," he said after a moment, tilting his head to the side as he watched Harry, doing nothing to hide the amusement in his voice. "Why?"

"No reason," Harry said quickly as he realized what a mistake this had been, knowing anything he said was bound to get back to Malfoy.

Anything he said was bound to get back to Malfoy. 

"But while we're talking about him," Harry went on, ignoring how pleased Zabini looked. "Do you know–I mean is Malfoy..."

He really needed to learn to think before he spoke, not even really sure what he wanted to ask, just desperate to know anything at all, for Malfoy to know that he wanted to know.

"Good lord Potter, don't strain yourself. Just ask, there's no guarantee that I'll answer, but you can always ask."

Harry just blinked at his hands, mind scrambling for any one thing to say. Did Malfoy really never talk about him? If he did mention him, what did he say? Did he think Harry was completely mad? Did he actually want to talk to him, even just the smallest bit?

"Is Malfoy single?" He asked instead, waiting for lighting to strike him through the window the moment the words left his mouth. Talk about subtlety.

"What?" Zabini asked incredulously, instantly breaking out into laughter that he seemed helpless to stop. It took a moment for him to get himself back under control. "You really do have no idea what you sound like."

"I know what I sound like," Harry said quickly, hating that he had let himself get dragged into this conversation in the first place.

"Do you?" Zabini asked. "Because there is generally only one reason someone wants to know if someone is single, and I can't imagine it's why you want to know."

Harry opened his mouth to respond only to pause, realizing this could be his chance. No one else would believe anything Zabini said about him anyway. "You didn't answer my question."

"Never said I would."

Harry rolled his eyes, debating just getting up and leaving even though it was late enough now that there wouldn't be much of anything to do. Even sitting in the common room would be better than sitting here being watched by Zabini. 

"Do you really want to know?" Zabini finally asked in a sly voice. "I'll tell you if you tell me why you want to know."

Harry could tell just by the look on his face that Zabini thought he'd got him, that he'd won whatever this conversation had turned into. "Well, Malfoy is quite fit."

Zabini just blinked at him, like he couldn't have possibly heard Harry correctly. "Just so I have this right," he said slowly. "You are talking about Draco?"

Face burning Harry forced a shrug. "Seems like it."

"I can't believe he's an even bigger idiot than you," he said in a faint voice, still just shaking his head like he couldn't believe any of this. Harry found he could relate. 

"So is he single?" Harry finally asked when Zabini remained silent, nerves like fire under his skin. He wasn't sure what he would do if he found out he wasn't.

"What do you think?" Zabini said after a moment, face back to looking at Harry like he was surprised he could manage to put two words together. "He's not exactly a catch this year."

Harry bit back the urge to defend Malfoy, realizing there wasn't much of anything he could say to that. It took a moment for him to even realize what Zabini's words meant, what he'd even said. 

Malfoy was single. In a world where they could manage to actually speak to each other they could maybe, actually go out. He had no idea how to make that happen, but Harry decided to count it as progress all the same. 

"Thanks," Harry said distractedly, wondering if it was too late for him to try and track Mafloy down. He was probably doing the same thing as Harry, just sitting in his room, right above where Harry was now. He could probably reach the bottom of Mafloy's window from his own if he was very careful. 

"Sure," Zabini said distractedly, eyes back down on his parchment with his quill in hand. In a moment he dropped it to the desk, spinning in his chair to face Harry again. "Okay," he said quickly. "Just so I'm sure I'm getting this right, you, Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world wants to shag Draco Malfoy, former Death Eater and general menace to society?"

"Malfoy isn't a menace to society." 

Just a menace to his sanity.

"My point still stands. You can't really imagine this going well, can you?"

Suddenly back to laughing Harry looked over at Zabini, shaking his head as he said, "I never imagine anything going well for me."

"That's surprisingly pessimistic."

Harry just shrugged. "Doesn't mean I won't do it anyway."

"You know what Potter, despite everything telling me it would be an absolute disaster, I almost want to root for you."

Harry had to smile. Maybe Zabini wasn't so bad after all.

*

It said something for his self control that he managed to hold back a smile as he looked at Slughorn, fighting to keep his voice earnest as he spoke. "I think partnering with Mafloy would help me to catch up, he's always gotten top marks in potions."

Slughurn looked unsure. "If it's a strong partner you want, I can certainly suggest someone, perhaps someone not quite so..." he trailed off then, glancing around the room, and Harry found he couldn't keep the pleasant expression on his face anymore. 

"Quite so what, good at potions? Shouldn't that be what matters?" 

"Yes well," Slughorn said in a rush, shuffling a few quills uselessly around his desk. "I suppose you're right. As long as there aren't any problems it should be fine." 

"Brilliant," Harry said with a grin, already turning away to join Malfoy at his table in the back. "Thanks professor."

Harry took the steps up to the back row two at a time, pulling out the empty seat next to Mafloy before he could fully turn to look at him. 

"Potter, that seat is already–"

"Not anymore," Harry said with a grin, leaning back in his seat. "Looks like we're partners now."

Malfoy just blinked at him, his expressions shifting too fast for Harry to keep track before it settled back onto a glare. "You really have no shame do you?" 

"Not really, no." Harry said easily. Shame didn't seem to factor in, not when it got him here, finally next to Mafloy and actually talking with him. It seemed there was shockingly little he wouldn't do to get here anymore.

"Unbelievable," Malfoy said quietly, shaking his head as he looked down to his bag, pulling out his book and parchment. 

Harry made no move to follow, just watched Malfoy's hands as he worked, fighting not to shift in his seat. Malfoy had ridiculously neat penmanship, looking closer typed than hand written. It made his words look important against the page, like they mattered, not like Harry's scratching scrawl that he couldn't even read back to himself half of the time. 

Malfoy's shoulders were tensed and Harry knew that Mafloy knew he was watching him but he didn't look back, just kept working through his revisions as Harry looked on. The bit of skin at the back of his neck that Harry could see peeking out of the top of his robes was a soft pink. Harry had to wonder if Malfoy had always blushed this easily and he had just never noticed before, or if it was something new, something that he'd managed to find inside Malfoy that no one else had thought to look for.

"We will just continue revisions today," Slughorn's voice said suddenly, pulling Malfoy's eyes up to the front but not Harry's, stuck on the clear view of Malfoys profile he now had. "Next week we'll begin the potion, so make sure to pay particular attention to the practical section of the text." 

Malfoy's eyes went back to his work so Harry assumed Slughorn was done talking. It was almost laughable that was really what he considered teaching. 

"He really is quite a shit teacher," Harry said under his breath, fighting to keep his expression neutral when Malfoy actually glanced back at him. "I'm pretty sure he's hungover half the time and just has us revise so he doesn't have to talk."

Malfoy laughed for a moment before looking immediately appalled with himself, going back to glaring. "If you ever paid attention maybe you would have learned something by now."

Harry just shrugged. "Yeah, but there's pretty much no hope for me in Potions. Sometimes you're just shit at something."

Malfoy set down his quill, shifting in his seat to face Harry fully. His leg was close enough beneath the table that all Harry would have to do was shift the smallest bit and they'd be touching. "I never thought I'd hear you admit to being shit at something to me."

"It's not like you don't already know," Harry said easily, endlessly distracted by the bit of hair curling by Malfoys ear. It really was ridiculously unfair that he could look that good doing nothing but sitting there, wearing the same robes as everyone else and yet somehow looking better than anyone ever had. "You're probably one of the few people who knows just how shit I am at quite a few different things."

Malfoy actually smiled at him then, such a small thing it was hardly even there at all, but it was all Harry could see, all he wanted to see. He really was unfairly beautiful. "Would you like a list?" Malfoy asked, his eyes still warm. 

"Have it memorized, do you?" Harry asked, knowing he was grinning like a fool but unable to care with Malfoy looking at him like that, expression open, like he wanted to be here and wasn't trying to hide it anymore. 

"Since fourth year," Malfoy said with a smirk, picking up his quill to twirl it back and forth between his long slender fingers. Harry wondered if they were as cold as they had felt before. "It could probably use an update, now that you mention it."

"I'll take a wild leap and say you don't need my help with that."

Malfoy smiled at him again, like it was that easy all of a sudden, like he wasn't destroying Harry just by sitting there finally talking to him, looking that way while he did. "I think I can manage."

"What's number one?" Harry asked, endlessly curious what it could be, what about him would land the number one spot on Malfoys surely lengthy list of his flaws. 

Malfoy just shook his head, eyes still warm but narrowly slightly. 

"Come on," Harry pressed, turning and leaning into the space between them, dropping his voice so he was sure no one else would hear. "I know how much you love pointing out what a fool I am. Tell me what the worst thing about me is." 

"You are a fool," Malfoy said almost instantly, looking back to the still twirling quill in his hand before he set it down against the desk. When he looked back at him Harry couldn't place the look on Malfoy's face, struggling to remember a time he'd ever seen it before. "But that's not the worst thing."

Harry realized Malfoy looked genuinely serious just as his own nerves settled in, the conversation taking a turn he hadn't thought to prepare for. Suddenly this didn't seem fun anymore, and more than anything Harry wished he could take the words back. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready to hear whatever Malfoy was about to say.

"You actually care." Malfoy's voice hardly seemed to be there at all, his words so unexpected Harry couldn't seem to figure them out for a moment, looping endlessly inside him.

"What?" Harry managed to ask, the word wrapped around some strained kind of laugh that didn't really sound like a laugh at all.

"You care Potter, you actually, genuinely care about other people." Malfoy looked as shocked by his words as Harry felt, but he didn't stop. "I don't think you realize just how rare that is."

Harry didn't know what to do for a moment, a strange tingling emotion filling him up side as any words he tried to say died the moment he tried to make them take shape in his mouth. 

"Stop looking at me like that," Malfoy finally snapped, looking down to glare at the table. "I can't be the first person to tell you that."

He wasn't, Harry knew that he wasn't, Mafloy was far from it in fact. Harry had heard so many versions of the same speech, how strong he was, how brave he could be that the words didn't even seem like real words when he heard them anymore. But this was Malfoy. He didn't know what to do with them now that it was Malfoy. 

"No," he finally pushed out, clearing his throat when he heard what was passing for his voice. "I just–it was just a surprise, coming from you."

Malfoy glanced back over to him, eyebrows pulled together before his whole face seemed to relax. "That's fair, I suppose. No one exactly describes me as complementary."

Harry gave a small laugh, feeling some of the tension finally leave his shoulders. All at once he realized that this was the best conversation him and Malfoy had ever had, the easiest and also the worst, and he found he was instantly addicted to the way it left him feeling, just from this small taste. 

"I don't know if that's quite true anymore though," Harry said, eyes stuck on the line of Malfoys jaw. 

"How do you mean?"

"That I care all that much," he said quietly, letting his eyes fall to Malfoy's mouth knowing full well the other could see it. "I can't seem to care about much of anything beyond what I want anymore."

Malfoy swallowed, eyes doing a quick scan of the room around them. "You want to be in a class you hate? Maybe you are a fool after all." He was blushing again, unable to meet Harry's eye as he spoke. 

"It gets me here, sitting next to you."

Malfoy seemed to lose his voice after that.

Harry felt like he could fly without a broom.

  
  


*

Harry woke up with a jolt, covered in sweat with distant screams still echoing in his head. Forcing his breath to even out Harry sat up, pulling the curtain back enough to make sure both Ron and Zabini were still asleep before laying back down. All he could do was blink at the ceiling for a moment, trying to ground himself in the here and now.

It was over. He was dead. It was over. 

It was all still there waiting for him the moment he shut his eyes and Harry had to accept he wasn't getting anymore sleep tonight. Fighting to keep quiet Harry swung his legs off the bed, pulling on a hoodie and his closest pair of jeans. Taking each step with care Harry crossed the distance to the door, only realizing once it shut behind him that he had no idea where to go. 

The view from the top of the tower would be quite nice right now, though the thought of going up there set something off in his chest, suddenly feeling like he'd just woken up again. That alone decided it for him and Harry turned, taking the stairs to the top two at a time. 

He was done letting the past control what he did now. There wasn't any reason for him to be afraid of an empty room.

Harry slowed to a normal walk when he reached the top, eyes instantly going to the window and the seemingly endless sky beyond. It was a testament to how tired he must have been that Harry didn't notice Malfoy strait off, sitting off in the corner against the wall already watching him. For maybe the first time he didn't look angry the moment their eyes met, Malfoy just kept looking at him in the silence with his painfully tired eyes. 

"I can go," Harry softly, unable to pull his eyes away even though every moment he looked at him like this felt like a step too far, something he knew Malfoy never would have given to him freely. 

But Malfoy just kept watching him before turning to look out the window again. "You can stay," he said softly, his words so unexpected Harry couldn't quite be sure he'd heard them at all.

Forcing his steps to be steady Harry walked over to where Malfoy sat in the corner, sitting next to him with his back against the wall. He was probably too close, but Harry never could quite help himself when it came to this. Malfoy didn't look at him, just kept his eyes on the sky, legs stretched out and crossed in front of him. His hair was mused with sleep, falling in uneven waves with the odd piece curling around the edge of his ear. 

Harry wanted him so badly he ached. 

Swallowing Harry finally looked away, to his hands in his lap, the spider in the top corner of the ceiling, the shape of the clouds against the slowly brightening sky, at anything but the person sitting next to him. 

"Potter," Malfoy began, instantly ruining Harry's efforts the moment he spoke and pulled Harry's eyes back to his face, in no way ready for Malfoy to be looking at him the way he was. "Why do you..." Malfoy trailed off, looking down at his lap, brows pulled tight over his eyes.

"I want to," Harry replied, knowing it was true for anything Malfoy could ask about them. All he did was want him anymore, constant and unavoidable. 

Malfoy looked back up at him, something like amusement touching his eyes. "You don't even know what I was going to ask."

"I can guess."

Malfoy raised an eyebrow expectantly, leaning into the wall as he turned his body to more fully face Harry. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone just like they had been over the summer, leaving the edge of his collarbone exposed. Harry wondered if his skin flushed like that all over.

"Why I spoke for you at your trial, bringing you back your wand over the summer, the way I keep trying to talk to you despite you and everything else telling me not to." Harry turned on the wall as he spoke, leaning into his right shoulder to face Malfoy fully, taking in his wide tired eyes. "The way I keep watching you, and can't even be bothered to hide it anymore." 

Harry couldn't breathe for a moment after that, watching Malloy's lips as they silently formed his name. 

"What does your Weasley think about you chasing me around like this?" Malfoy finally asked, though his voice lacked it's usual bite.

"Ron?" Harry said around a laugh. "Haven't really talked about it."

Malfoy just rolled his eyes. "The other one."

It took a painfully long moment for Harry to even realize who he meant, he'd spoken to her so few times this year. "Ginny? Haven't brought it up to her either."

Malfoy narrowed his eyes before looking away from him again.

"She's not my girlfriend anymore, if that's what you were just trying to ask me."

Harry leaned in closer still, reaching out to hold Malfoys wrist as he turned to look at him again. Malfoy didn't try to pull away, just looked at Harry with disbelief in his eyes. A blink and he closed off again, pulling his arm away as a hard look came over his face. "You should think before you talk, you might realize how you sound."

Undeterred Harry pressed on. "How do I sound?"

"Don't," Malfoy said in a bitten off voice, pulling his hands into fists in his lap. 

"How do I sound Malfoy?" Harry repeated, moving closer still, shifting across the floor until there was hardly any space between them at all. Malfoys hands fell open in his lap and Harry let himself reach out, sliding his hand along his palm before intertwining their fingers, hearing Malfoys sharp intake of breath, though he made no move to pull his hand away.

Looking back up Harry met his eye, blood rushing through him as he willed this moment to last as long as possible. Malfoy's hand was painfully soft, cold where Harry's was warm, fingers thin and long, elegant where Harry's were rough. "I know how I sound," Harry finally said in a low voice, rubbing his thumb along the back of Malfoy's hand. 

Malfoy shook his head, finally giving a half hearted tug of his hand. "You can't," he said quickly, visibly swallowing, eyes darting away and back to him again like he couldn't quite believe this was real, like if he looked away from Harry for too long he would disappear all together. 

Harry let himself breath for a moment before he spoke, the words suddenly the easiest thing in the world when Malfoy was looking back at him that way, the way he'd imagined for months but had never let himself believe he could have. "Ever since I saw you this summer, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

Malfoy moved to turn away and Harry dropped his hand, moving it up to hold his jaw, hold his eye as Mafloy tried to run away again. 

"Let me go," Malfoy said in a low voice as he leaned into Harry's hold, eyes going soft despite his words.

"Don't just say no because you think you should, only say no if you really don't want to," Harry pressed out in a rush, hardly able to focus on forming words with Malfoy so close and under his hand, breathing like they were doing much more than just sitting next to each other.

Unable to stop himself Harry leaned in further still, close enough to see each one of his eyelashes again, to feel Malfoy's breath against him. Malfoy's mouth fell open just the smallest bit then, his tongue darting out across his bottom lip and Harry couldn't help but tighten his hold, tipping Malfoy's head back as his fingers moved to cradle his neck. "Tell me I can kiss you."

Malfot twisted under his hand, all the air seeming to leave him in a rush that was somewhere between a sign and a groan. "Just do it, stop asking me and–"

Harry stole the rest of his words into his mouth, pulling Malfoys bottom lip between his own as his other hand came up to hold the other side of his face, tilting Malfoy's head back even further as Harry pressed into him more, unable to resist. Malfoy's arms came up around his shoulders, one hand moving into his hair and pulling as the other pushed down the collar of Harry's shirt, just touching the top of the bare skin of his back. Shivers broke out across his skin as Harry dropped one hand from his jaw down to Malfoy's hip, moving underneath his shirt to run up along his bare ribs.

Both of Malfoy's hands moved to Harry's shoulders as he pushed up onto his knees, pushing Harry onto his back as he straddled him, thighs warm along the outside of his hips as his hands slid down to rest along Harry's chest. 

It felt unreal that they were suddenly like this, and Harry knew that they were moving fast but at the same time it didn't feel fast at all, like they'd been living in the build up to this moment for years. 

"Come down here," Harry said in a voice he didn't recognize, moving his hands back up to Malfoy's hips before sliding them up and underneath his shirt. They moved up his back as Malfoy leaned down, until it felt like Harry was holding him all over, mouth warm and soft when they met again. 

Harry could feel himself growing hard but made no move to pull away, if anything he was suddenly desperate for Malfoy to know, to realize just how badly he wanted him. Sliding his hand back down to Malloy's hips Harry broke their kiss just as he pulled Malfoy down against him, rolling his hips as he watched Malfoy's eyes fall shut with a shutter. He did it again, and again still when he couldn't seem to remember how to stop, holding Malfoy tighter then he knew he should. Looking at Malfoy like this was close to too much and Harry moved in closer to taste Malfoy's neck, feeling the soft sound Malfoy let out at the feeling along his tongue.

"Potter," Malfoy said breathlessly as he shifted on top of him, thighs clenching and relaxing along his sides, hands sliding up and down Harry's chest.

Harry just hummed against him, sliding one hand from his hip to Malfoys lower back, rubbing just along the top of his pants. He leaned up to bite along Malfoy's jaw just as he let the tip of his fingers graze just barely underneath fabric. Malfoy shook all over, dropping his head down onto Harry's shoulder as he pressed up into his hand, moaning into the fabric of his shirt when Harry pushed his hand all the way underneath, gripping him as he continued to pull Malfoy down against him. 

Unable to stop himself Harry brought his other hand around to join the first, cuping Malfoys ass in both hands as he rolled up into him, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment, completely overwhelmed. Malfoy felt dangerously good pressed against him like this, hot and hard but also pliant and soft, letting out a close to constant stream of bitten off moans into his ear, pressing back into his hands like he couldn't get enough of the feeling of them on him.

"Touch me," he breathed against Harry's jaw, arching into his hold, spreading his legs even wider on top of him as he pushed back into Harry's hands, a small jerking movement like he just couldn't quite help but want more.

Harry pulled him down against him again, so close to the edge he could hardly think straight, like all there was was Malfoy on top of him, moving against him, hot and hard and unreal. It was everything he'd wanted and more, but still it wasn't quite enough. Making the decision all at once Harry slid his hands out of Malfoys pants, ignoring his noise of protest as he grabbed his hips, leveraging him with his own as he flipped them over, quickly moving a hand up to cradle Malfoy's head before it could hit the stone floor.

Malfoy looked like the picture of surprise beneath him, hair fanned out along the floor, face flushed and panting. He spread his legs without prompting, Harry falling between them as one hand grabbed Malfoy beneath his thigh, pushing it up as he ground down against him, eyes never leaving his face. Malfoys head turned to the side restlessly, some broken noise falling out of him as his eyes slipped shut. Both his legs wrapped around Harry, pressing back up against each thrust. Sliding a hand up his neck Harry braced his other hand along the floor next to Malfoy's head, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight Malfoy made laid out beneath him like this.

"You look so good," Harry said mindlessly, with hardly any air left in his lungs at all, hearing and feeling the shudder that went through Malfoy at his words. "God, I want you so bad."

"Please," Malfoy said desperately, thighs tightening around Harry even more as his hands moved up to grasp his hair, pulling him down into another opened mouth kiss. "Please," he whispered again, with hardly any space between them to form the words, lips dragging against lips. 

"Anything," Harry murmured down to him, so close to the edge but desperate for Malfoy to get there first. "Come on Malfoy."

Without quite meaning to Harry tightened his hand on Malfoy's throat, feeling like something was collapsing inside when all Malfoy did was press up into it, a cut off moan falling from his lips. Pleasure rocked through him in a wave that seemed to never end, in the thrum of Malfoy's pulse beneath his fingers, thighs clenching around him, cock hard and aching against his own with each rock of their clothed hips. Feeling close to unreal Harry watched as Malfoy gave another full body shutter, pressing up into his hand and against his hips with more force than he had all night before falling close to limp beneath him.

It took half a moment for Harry to realize what had happened, and then it was all he could think of, burning up inside what the knowledge that he'd actually made Mafloy feel that good.

In only a moment Malfoy opened his eyes again, traveling over Harry in a lazy movement before he pushed him to the side and then onto his back. In one movement Mafloy was straddling him again, hips just far enough away to give his hand room to work open the button of Harry's now painfully tight jeans. Harry wasn't even sure he was breathing as he watched Malfoy slide the zipper down, his eyes half lidded as Mafloy slid a hand inside and wrapped around him. 

Malfoy shifted on top of him as his hand started to move, dropping forward to rest his other elbow next to Harry's head, his mouth resting along Harry's ear. "You should fuck me," he said in that certain voice he had, like he would make it so just by saying it. His hand gripped Harry's cock tighter ok the away down, easing on the way back up as he reached the head, letting a finger slide ever so softly across the slit. 

Harry had been so close to the edge for such a long time it felt he hardly had any warning before static was suddenly rushing between his ears, pulsing in Malfoy's hand as his words looped in his mind. Harry felt so good it was almost terrifying for a moment, eyes falling shut as pleasure twisted him up and pulled him apart inside. Malfoy just kept touching him through all of it, until his cock gave one last jerk and Harry was finally pulling away, oversensitive and exhausted. 

Malfoy pulled his hand out of his pants and Harry cracked open his eyes, watching Malfoy pull a face at his hand before reaching over to grab his wand from his robes, casting a cleaning charm over them both before leaning back to sit along Harry's thighs. The charm tingled over Harry's skin, like Malfoy touching him all over again for a brief but intense moment. Harry felt sated like he never had, that same endless feeling still vibrating just beneath his skin.

He knew he was grinning but couldn't figure out how to stop, limbs still pleasantly numb, laying on the stone floor with a completely disheveled Malfoy still on top of him.

"Stop looking at me like that," Malfoy finally said, reaching up a hand to fuss uselessly with his hair as he began to shift back like he would stand up. 

Harry brought his hands rest along his hips and just like that Malfoy stopped, like just the barest touch from Harry was enough to keep him there. Swallowing Harry worked his thumb in a mindless circle along Malfoy's hip bone, slipping it under his shirt to touch bare skin.

It suddenly seemed ridiculous that he still didn't know what Malfoy looked like shirtless, but Harry knew the face he made when he came. 

"Did you need something Potter?" Malfoy finally asked when Harry said nothing, pressing into Harry's hands at his hips ever so slightly. "Or do you just want to keep laying there watching me in silence?"

"I like watching you," Harry said simply, grinning even wider at the flustered look that fell over Malfoy's face that he quickly tried to hide, turning his head as his eyes went down, lashes fanned out against pale skin strained in red. His hair looked even more pale than usual, almost glowing, like he was something close to other worldly. "You look good all the time."

Malfoy scoffed before moving to stand again and Harry let him, dropping his hands after one last quick squeeze. He sat up and crossed his legs, watching Malfoy fuss about trying to make himself presentable.

Harry would let himself worry about how much he loved the sight of even that now too later. 

"So are you done avoiding me yet?" Harry finally asked, knowing he would truly go mad if he let them both leave without figuring this out, if even just the smallest bit. "Or am I gonna have to chase you around some more hallways before I can see you again?" 

Malfoy finally paused in whatever it was he was doing, dropping his arms to his sides as he turned back to face him. "Don't act like you don't get off chasing me around," he said quickly, holding eye contact just as long as it took him to speak before turning his back to him. It was still a painfully good sight.

Harry stood in a rush, walking over and pressing himself against Malfoys back as he wrapped his arms around his waist. "I can't argue that," he spoke against Malfoy's ear, laying a distracted kiss against his jaw. "But this is better, right?" 

"So full of yourself," Malfy mumbled as he turned in his arms, laying his hands against Harry's chest as he watched him with a raised eyebrow. "What makes you think I'll let you catch me again?" 

Harry let one hand that had come to rest on Malfoy's lower back slide down to grab his ass, holding him tight against him with the other when he tried to jerk away. "Wild guess," he said through a laugh, leaning down to kiss the frown from Malfoy's lips. 

The moment their lips touched Malfoy went soft against him, arms moving up around Harry's neck as he pressed his whole body against him. His mouth opened as his thigh slid between Harry's, sighing into his mouth as he pulled on his hair. 

"Yeah," Harry said when they broke apart, his breath heavy. "I think you'll let me catch you again."

And he did.

**Author's Note:**

> comment if you liked it and give me that sweet rush of serotonin


End file.
